As spiritual beings on the human journey, I think perhaps the greatest act of authentic spirituality might be that of surrender, or letting go. The Camino certainly wanted to teach me this.
In my waist pack, I carried a bag of rocks with me on the journey:
The Christ rock-representing liberation, love, light, grace, assurance, forgiveness, joy, peace, wholeness. The divine in me- the hope of glory.
Five burden rocks– all representing that which was keeping me stuck and resisting everything I just wrote above.
Dear one rocks– rocks representing loved ones I brought with me on the journey.
On Day 1, I walked for a few solitary hours with guilt in my left hand and the Christ rock in my right. I spent deep time with both and at some point in the walk moved the guilt rock under the Christ rock in my right hand. More walking, more contemplation about this Christ over guilt.
The realization came. This was not yet enough. Perhaps it’s my sense of responsibility that keeps me wanting to own and continue to carry my transgressions like a permanent badge of penance affixed to my being. Perhaps it’s my Enneagram 1 type who wants desperately to fix things, reform things, and focus on what’s not right.
Whatever it is that makes me want to forever clench guilt like the monkey with his hand stuck in the cookie jar, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to let guilt go. The knowing was not enough. The covering of Christ over guilt was not enough. There was an act of surrender and letting go that was still needed from me.
Majones are kilometer markers that guide the pilgrim along the Camino, pointing them in the right direction along the path. At the km 104,100 majone, I laid down my guilt rock. I see that other pilgrims had also offered up their burdens. I wonder if theirs was as reluctant a surrender as mine? What an important teaching moment the Camino was offering me. I walked on down the path, away from km 104,100, feeling the rock of freedom and love that I still held in my right hand. I whispered this little prayer as I rubbed its smooth surface with my thumb, “Help me travel from reluctant surrender to glad surrender so that I might experience all the abundance offered right here.”
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